When it comes to communicating about feelings, it is noticeable how most people operate in one or other of two modes.
Most of the time, they do not share their feelings. You never quite know what they are really thinking, or where you stand with them. You get hints in their non-verbal behaviour or in humorous and maybe sarcastic comments. You know that they feel something, but it’s hard to work out exactly what it is. Asking them directly doesn’t help either. They seem unable to locate their feelings or identify them; they certainly struggle to put them into words.
Except for the body language giveaways, they are in total control.
At other times they seem to be completely out of control! Some shout and swear. Others break down in tears. Some do both. A large number think that when they merely raise their voices a little, other people don’t notice that they are being pushy and aggressive. Few of them have any idea of their impact on the people around them, at least until the emotional storm has subsided.
All or nothing…they are the only two modes many of us have in which to communicate about our feelings. We either control them completely, or we allow them to control us. It’s understandable, as neither of these modes requires any self insight or skill. It’s not difficult to hold back, say nothing; and it requires no particular skill to let your emotions take over and take you where they will.
I read recently that becoming skilled in identifying and communicating your feelings involves a lifetime of learning. It seems to me that many of us have a lot of learning to do.