Archive for the 'Building relationships' Category

Soft skills matter

Tuesday, January 29th, 2013

A recent article in the Bloomberg Business Week emphasises – again – that it’s soft skills which determine your long term career success.
Roxanne Hori, the associate dean of corporate partnerships at Northwestern University’s Kellogg School of Management advises students planning their MBA classes to take as many soft skills subjects as they do hard [...]

How often do you say yes when you mean no?

Wednesday, February 1st, 2012

We say yes when we really want to say no because we fear that others will criticise us for being selfish, uncaring or unhelpful. We say yes to hold onto the illusion that we can be there for everyone, the dependable fall-back in every crisis, the perfect employee, perfect friend and perfect partner. We say [...]

How to start over in a relationship

Wednesday, September 21st, 2011

This is the seventh of the blog posts based on the top ten most read Straight Talk Tips that go to my clients each month. The tips are free and you can sign up for them here
How to start over over in a relationship
Relationships can get stuck. Conversations end in argument; the same buttons get pressed; [...]

Don’t do it by e-mail!

Thursday, December 2nd, 2010

My heart sinks when I hear someone say, ‘John isn’t performing well these days. I must send him an e-mail’. Doesn’t everyone know by now that you can’t do sensitive and difficult conversations by e-mail!
In any conversation that has a strong emotional tone you must be face to face. These are the kind of conversations [...]

There’s good news and bad news

Thursday, November 18th, 2010

There’s some really good news this week. I’ve had the proposal for my second Straight Talk book accepted for publication by my publisher, Random House Struik!
And there’s some really bad news! They want the manuscript by the end of January for July 2011 publication. So whatever other plans I had for the December holidays, they [...]

Those conversations that scare you…

Tuesday, June 15th, 2010

I am still receiving replies to my invitation for people to tell me about conversations that they find scary.
Here is a sample of the suggestions I have received.
At work many of the conversations involve speaking up about decisions you feel are unfair, or about someone’s less than tolerable management style, even when you have been [...]

Win Win conversations

Monday, June 7th, 2010

The majority of people with whom I consult are concerned about the quality of their relationships, either in their personal lives or at work, or both. While they may realise that the conversations they hold reflect the tone of their relationships, they are often unaware of the problems they create for themselves in the way [...]

The next book that I’m planning to write has the working title ‘Straight Talk: conversations that scare you’.
I’ve been doing some research for it with my clients and recently asked them to send me outlines for conversations that they think are scary. I’ve been blown away by the number who replied and by the detail [...]

Everyone talks about the importance of relationships; in teams, with customers, with your boss, with your staff; in families, with spouses and partners. But mostly what I hear are people holding the kind of conversations that do little to build relationships and are often virtually guaranteed to damage them!
I hear emotional outbursts, accusations and blame. [...]

It’s all about emotion!

Thursday, February 19th, 2009

In the course of one morning this week I received three pieces of feedback from clients who have been through Straight Talk training.
Spot the pattern in their comments!
“I was always taught that showing emotion is a sign of weakness. so I have bottled up my emotions as long as I could, even with friends and [...]