Straight Talk Blog

Challenges and choices

September 1st, 2011

This is the second of the blog posts based on the top ten most read Straight Talk Tips that go to my clients each month. The tips are free and you can sign up for them here

Challenges and choices Re-title : How to plan better conversations

Every conversation that we hold presents challenges and choices.

The biggest challenge is often whether to speak up at all. Many of us choose to be silent around sensitive or difficult topics in conversations, rather than face the possibility of conflict, embarrassment, feeling stupid or even damaging the relationship by saying what is on our minds.

When you don’t speak up, problems seldom come to the surface on their own, and so they tend to simmer, unresolved, for weeks or even years. The silence might be interspersed with explosions of frustration or anger but these usually do not result in any rational conversation around the real issue, and so it continues.

When you decide not to speak up you are choosing to accept the role of victim, and so you open yourself up to a relationship that includes disrespect and abuse. When you do decide to speak up, you can change your life. It may not be easy, but the rewards is that when you face reality, deal with the real problems and their emotional baggage, you can move on with your life.

Within a conversation there are other choices to make. You can choose to plan what you say before you speak, and have conversations that are rational and constructive: or you can let your emotions take over and accept the consequences. When emotions take over, you may come across as more blaming and accusing than you mean to be, and the consequences may be more than you bargained for.

You can choose the interactive style with which you will approach a conversation. You can ask questions and listen, so that you consider the views of others. Or you can go with the certainty that you always know what is right and what is wrong and that you have got all the facts you need. On your own you might make faster decisions, but with others on board you could make better decisions.

You can choose to disclose your own feelings and acknowledge the feelings of others in a conversation. If you do, you will talk about real issues and develop more authentic relationships. If you don’t, you’re choosing a life of superciliousness.

When you try to find solutions to problems, you can choose to gain the commitment of others to joint plans and schemes, or you can use power to get your own way. With power you can enforce compliance, but it may not bring with it much enthusiasm, energy or creativity.

It’s all about choices. Be sure you make good ones.

Moving Targets

August 30th, 2011

This is the first of the blog posts based on the top ten most read Straight Talk Tips that go to my clients each month. The tips are free and you can sign up for them here

Moving targets re-title: How to set realistic objectives

Conventional wisdom holds that when you want people to perform at their best you start out by making sure they know what to do. This can be in the shape of targets, goals, objectives, key performance areas and standards. The acronym SMART has been in use for many years.

Specific
Measurable
Agreed
Realistic
Time bound.

There is some skill involved in using each of the elements in the model. Realistic for example, means different things to different people.

What is a realistic target when you are dealing with a person who is demotivated and has a strong negative attitude? He or she will tend to block any suggestion as to what they can achieve with ‘Yes’ followed quickly by ‘But’. People like this are skilled at finding reasons why even the lowest targets cannot be achieved, because for them any target is unrealistically high.

Dealing with them requires that you handle the negative attitude first: then you can establish whether they have the ability to perform. You can ensure they achieve targets by using a traditional command and control leadership style. But this is heavy handed and you may not have the time or willingness to use such a style. You might get results from it, but neither you nor the employee will gain much satisfaction from your working relationship.

At the other end of the scale you have the clever, self-driven, achievers: people with ambitions and their own agendas: who regard being told what to do as an attack on their self esteem. They want broad guidelines, resources and the freedom to tackle challenging real world problems. Then they want recognition of their success. They would consider the discipline of setting SMART targets an insult to their intelligence.

Leading high achievers needs a light touch, with the ability to listen and talk. As a leader you must have personal credibility and be able to develop open, trusting relationships. You must be good at providing support and recognition for performance and be able to accept that others may have new and creative ways of getting things done. When you work with smart self motivated people, results can sometimes be unpredictable, but the rewards for everyone can be immense.

Different types of people make different demands on leaders and leadership style. Leaders have to be flexible in their styles and be able to match their leadership to the needs of each of their people. One size never fits all.

10 Tips for holding better conversations

August 8th, 2011

One conversation can make or break a relationship, a career or a life. No wonder we find some of our conversations really scary. Getting to a point where you can speak up about almost anything to almost anyone takes practice, but if you start with these tips in mind you’ll go wrong less often.

1. Choose your battles.

You don’t have to confront everyone about everything. When the stakes are high; when you can’t predict the reaction, or the over- reaction, of the other person; and when the issue isn’t earth shattering: let it go. Emotional intelligence means knowing how to speak up – and when to shut up.

2. Speak up sooner

It’s wise not to speak up in the heat of the moment but it’s also wise to speak up before your simmering emotions reach boiling point. The longer you delay a conversation, you can be sure the scarier it will become.

3. Suspend judgement

If you go into a conversation blaming and accusing you will attract a defensive reaction from the other person and you’ll be in an argument in an instant. Try to see things from their point of view. Maybe they had a perfectly understandable reason for behaving as they did. And maybe you’re part of the problem!

4. Go for a positive outcome

If you want to make a conversation safe for both of you, you must be able to see a win for both of you. If the other person feels you are trying to manipulate, get your own way at any cost, or ‘fix’ them, there is no safety. You’ll be more likely to get into an argument than a conversation.

5. Make a plan

It’s crazy to go into a tough conversation without a plan for what you are going to say. But you do! Take a few minutes to identify exactly what you want to talk about and the facts of the situation as you see them. Then stick to your plan.

6. Set the tone

A conversation can get off to a good start or blow up in an instant. Where, when and how you start a conversation sets the tone for what happens next. The first few words you say are critical, so at the very least, plan these ones carefully.

7. Present the facts

Once you’ve opened a conversation, describe the facts about the situation as clearly as you know how. They lay the foundation for the conversation and any negotiation that follows. Use just enough facts to show where your view of the situation comes from.

8. Explain how you see it

Giving your view of a situation or your feelings about it is important to lend weight to your case and persuasive power to the need for change. Explaining how we feel is not something most of us do easily so this can be one of the most difficult steps in a conversation.

9. Invite dialogue

There are two sides to every story and until you get the other person to talk, you’ll only have one side – yours. When a conversation is safe, you get to talk about the real problem and how you both feel about it. Only then can you start to resolve it.

10. Agree on a solution

The only workable solution to a problem is the one on which you both agree; and to which both of you are committed. Telling someone what you want them to do may get their compliance. You have to hear from them about what they want to be sure of their commitment.

Ten steps… any one of them can make the difference between an argument that damages a relationship irreparably or a conversation that puts it in place for a lifetime.

The importance of agreement and disagreement in meetings

June 6th, 2011

There are three types of verbal behaviour that you can use in a meeting. You can put forward new ideas; you can ensure that what is said is clear and understood by everyone; and you can give support to, or disagree with, things that are said. The balance of these three behaviours determines how effective a meeting is and whether it achieves its purpose.

When you show verbal agreement or disagreement with what others say you are using a reacting behaviour. I agree with what Jane said, or That’s a good idea, are statements of support and agreement. Disagreement sounds like; I don’t think that will work; I can’t accept that; or, I don’t think these figures are correct.

Use of reacting behaviours in meetings lets others know where you stand. If you are reluctant to speak your mind or commit yourself to a view or a decision, you will tend not to react. Sometimes people hold back on reacting until they see how others react. Low reacting may reflect a lack of trust or lack of information on which to base decisions. It may also reflect the fact that people at a meeting do not have responsibility for the issues being discussed or the decisions that have to be made.

Meetings with little reacting behaviour feel awkward and seem to have no energy as people hold back on their opinions. They can be very difficult to chair. People who have proposals to put forward may tend to go into too much detail in their efforts to gain a reaction. Others tend to shut down, infected by the generally low reaction level.

High levels of disagreement in a meeting do not necessarily mean that it is destructive, so long as people disagree on issues, and do not attack each other at a personal level. Meetings in which contentious proposals are put on the table are likely to contain a lot of reacting behaviour but can be stimulating and constructive when people become fully engaged in the discussion. Meetings with too much reacting however, can become emotional and lose focus when people take sides, or when they react before they understand exactly what has been said.

A skilled chairperson is able to manage how people react in a meeting to maintain its energy level, to make sure that everyone’s opinion is heard, and to be sure that people understand exactly what has been said before they react, either positively or negatively.

How to manage information in a meeting

May 30th, 2011

Everything you say in a meeting can be categorised into one of three types of behaviour. You can put forward new ideas; you can give support to, or disagree with, what has been said; and you can make sure that the information in the meeting is managed so it is clear and understood by everyone. Different types of meetings require a different balance of these three behaviours in order to achieve their purpose.

One of the most important aspects of any meeting is the way the amount of information that is shared and its level of detail are managed. The chairperson holds most of the responsibility for this, but others may at times use the same behaviours. These are:

·Asking for, and giving information;

·Checking that you have understood what has been said and

·Summarising information.

Skilled chairing of meetings is required to control the balance between too much and too little information. When there is too much detail, especially around minor issues, a meeting becomes tedious and time consuming. When there is too little information, meetings become disorganised, hasty ill informed decisions are made, and afterwards people are often unable to agree on what was said or decided.

The level of detail in a meeting should be appropriate to its purpose. For example, if you are investigating an industrial accident, detail is important. If you are discussing business strategy, you must avoid becoming sidetracked into operational detail.

When you feel that more information is required, you can be direct in asking people to provide facts or offer opinions. If you feel that some people are saying a lot and others are not contributing to the discussion, you can control some to make space for others.

You can limit the amount that someone says with words such as; “Sam, can you hold that thought. I’d like to hear what Mary has to say on this.” Then you bring Mary into the discussion by using her name and an inviting gesture, as you say; Mary, what is your opinion on this, or; Mary, can you add anything to what has been said.

You can check that you have understood what people say with words such as; Let me be sure I’ve got this right… and then paraphrase what you have understood. This is a way of confirming your own understanding as well as that of others.

Summarising information and decisions, both during and at the end of a meeting, is a very powerful way of making sure things stay on track. It is used mostly by the chairperson.

One of the main reasons meetings are held is for people to share information. The behaviours described above ensure the process is managed efficiently.

How to chair a meeting

May 17th, 2011

The role of the chairperson is critical to the success of any meeting. There are three roles a chairperson can play.

Plan, structure and arrange meetings so everyone knows their purpose, what is to be discussed, and why.
Create an atmosphere during meetings in which everyone can make an effective contribution.
Ensure meetings reach their objectives.

A chairperson can use different approaches in playing these roles. He or she may find that at different times in a meeting all of the roles are necessary. A skilled chairperson recognises when each one is most appropriate and has the range of skills to be flexible.

He or she can be a referee. This chairperson plays an impartial role. He or she keeps order, ensures that people keep to the formal rules of the meeting, and makes sure that everyone is treated fairly and has an opportunity to present their views. This role is common in formal meetings. It is also necessary any time a discussion becomes heated and a group needs a chairperson who maintains control while allowing people to share views on contentious issues.

The chairperson can be the leader of the group. The leader thinks through a problem, decides on a solution, and then obtains the commitment of the group to that solution; or encourages discussion that creates an alternative solution. This role is effective when a group has no ideas of its own and needs help, or when the only person with ideas is clearly wrong.

Overuse of this role leads to groups who stop thinking for themselves and become dependent on their leaders for all their ideas. Leaders who fall into the trap of continually doing the thinking for their groups, end up surrounded by people who wait for the leader to put forward all the ideas. If the leader makes the situation worse by turning down alternative suggestions, and even ridiculing those of others, people quickly learn it is better not to speak up. In the end there is only one brain functioning in the entire group.

The third role a chairperson can play is probably the most common and the most useful in the corporate world. It is that of the facilitator whose role is to draw out ideas from a group and help it come to a decision by reaching agreement or coming to a common view.

He or she does this by managing the mix of behaviours that occur in any meeting or group discussion:

putting forward new ideas or proposals
responding to these suggestions
clarifying the content of the discussion.

Different meetings require a different balance of these behaviours and a skilled chairperson is able to manage the mix to ensure meetings achieve their objectives.

How to plan a meeting: who, where, when and how

May 16th, 2011

When you plan a meeting you must first be clear on its purpose and the items that are to be discussed. Then you can attend to the details of who should attend; where and when it should be held, and how it should be organised.

In deciding who should attend a meeting there is one rule. All the people and only the people whose presence is required to achieve the purpose of the meeting, must be there.

Use these criteria to help you decide who to invite.

The person with official responsibility for an issue or problem
Those who have unique information or relevant views
People who are responsible for any decisions that will be taken.
Anyone who has to give approval
Anyone with relevant strategic input
Anyone else who, if they are not involved, may prevent a decision being agreed and actioned!

If too many people are invited to a problem solving meeting, discussion and interaction will be limited. If you want interaction and discussion in a meeting, make sure that everyone is able to see and hear each other.

Allow a realistic amount of time for topics to be covered so the meeting can achieve its purpose. If you don’t, discussion will be superficial and poor decisions will be made; the meeting will have to be reconvened; or a decision will be reached outside the meeting involving only a few of the original participants.

Schedule meetings with consideration for the participants. First thing in the morning may suit some people but not others. If a meeting is held at the end of a day when people have transport arrangements or other commitments they cannot change, they will be reluctant to enter into any discussion that extends the length of the meeting.

Stick to the time. Meetings should start on time: latecomers will quickly learn! They should also finish as planned, in consideration of other arrangements.

The seating of a meeting can help or hinder its effectiveness. Schoolroom seating is guaranteed to stifle any discussion. Stand up meetings are great for keeping discussion short.

Equipment should be set up and refreshments organised before the meeting starts.

When it is important that people read background documents before discussion, this is usually best done at the beginning of, or during the meeting. This makes sure documents are properly read and allows opportunity for attention to be drawn to particular issues and questions to be answered. It is unrealistic to expect that everyone will read documents before a meeting.

When you take care of the: who, where, when and how of a meeting thoughtfully, you get it off to a good start with a much better chance of achieving its objective.

Do you really need a meeting?

May 13th, 2011

In a well run meeting you can solve problems, motivate people, initiate new projects, solve conflicts, get buy-in and build relationships more quickly and easily than in any other way. It’s no wonder meetings are so popular!

Research shows that the written word carries only about 7% of the true meaning of what you communicate and 38% is carried in the way that things are said. A full 55% of the meaning and the feelings behind a communication are carried in facial expressions and other nonverbal signals such as gestures and body movement.

With these statistics as background, it’s no wonder that there are certain circumstances under which face-to-face meetings are the only way to go:

to resolve a conflict
where there are strong feelings
when people hold different opinions
you need commitment to a change or new idea
in important negotiations
when you need to develop relationships.

But when the time, cost or danger involved in gathering executives together from different locations, countries, and time zones is prohibitive, audio and videoconferencing become attractive alternatives.

Web and video conferencing allow real time communication as if everyone involved is in a room together. Computers, software, video cameras, speakers, microphones and fast internet connections have to be available and compatible. Unfocussed video cameras and microphones that send out hissing sounds can spoil the whole show.

Video conferencing can be expensive to install and tricky to operate. Careful planning is required for its success. Web conferencing, where users remain in their own offices, reduces some of the technological hazards. But for both, users must behave as if they are on camera…at all times!

Cameras have trouble with black, white and red; and with tight patterns, pin stripes and geometric shapes. Cell phones, gum, coins and any pen that you can click are distractions. Gestures should be smaller than usual and not come between your face and the camera. Mannerisms such as touching your face or hair, fidgeting with jewellery, and overuse of words such as actually, okay or um, all detract from the content of what you say.

In spite of all the care, it can still sometimes be difficult to really see how a particular person or group is reacting in a web or video conference.

Audio conferencing by telephone works when the content of the communication does not rely on visual input. Its main advantage is convenience. People can be part of a call from almost anywhere at any time: coffee shop, airport, home, or the golf course. Little technology or skill in its use is required.

Its main disadvantage is that all non-verbal communication is lost; reactions and feelings are hard to gauge or interpret. It’s difficult to look at documents during calls and a high level of concentration is required throughout. Since over 80% of people are visual learners, audio conferencing does not create a generally effective learning environment.

The decision on whether a face to face meeting can be justified rests on practicalities and on the intention of the meeting. Sometimes there’s simply no alternative to sitting down together and sorting things out.

Meetings… meetings… and more !!!!! meetings!

May 9th, 2011

You sigh as you doodle along the edge of your page, then sneak a peak at your text messages. Another meeting!

You’re not sure what its purpose is or why you’ve been invited. You don’t have any contribution to make. The arguments go round in circles. And why doesn’t someone do something about the guy at the end of the table, who clearly likes the sound of his own voice?

A clear statement of the purpose of a meeting and the outcome that is required provides the basis for everything that follows, before, during, and after the meeting has taken place. Meetings can have many purposes; some may have several. If you cannot identify a clear purpose for a meeting and the outcome you expect from it, you probably don’t need to have one. These are some common reasons for having a meeting.

To seek approval for an action plan

Generate ideas
Identify the cause of a problem
Set targets or objectives
Obtain commitment to a proposal
Motivate a team
Make a decision

Once the purpose of a meeting is clear you can decide on the topics that should be included and their relative priorities. This creates a draft agenda which should be communicated to participants so they know the purpose in advance and can arrive oriented and prepared for the discussion. The agenda should show the time at which the meeting is planned to finish, in recognition of the fact that maintaining good time keeping is one of the key responsibilities of anyone running a meeting.

Consider the urgency and importance of each item as you plan your agenda. Put the urgent and less important topics at the top so you get the meeting off to an easy and positive start. This also means that if you don’t get to the bottom of the agenda the items that you miss will be the less important ones.

Think carefully about where you place controversial issues. It can be useful to let people settle down first of all in discussing some less contentious topics, before you tackle the difficult ones.

If the meeting is going to last through lunch try to schedule a topic that involves participation or debate immediately afterwards to mitigate the effects of lunch.

Allocate realistic timeslots for each item, remembering that discussion often takes longer than you anticipate. Plan to have a five-minute break approximately every hour so people can maintain their concentration.

If you circulate a draft agenda in advance of a meeting you can ask for any other items that need to be included. This avoids the Any Other Business topic which can create a free-for-all session that creates disarray in a meeting which was originally well planned.

A test of a well-run meeting is that people feel the time was used efficiently in achieving a worthwhile outcome. It all starts with planning.

How to ace your performance appraisal

May 9th, 2011

A performance appraisal interview is, in many ways, far more important for an employee than it is for a manager. It is essential that you prepare for your performance appraisals carefully and handle them skilfully.

A good performance appraisal can enhance your reputation and accelerate or change the direction of your career. An interview that goes badly can stall it and damage your progress for months or years after.

Employees consistently complain about two features of their performance appraisals. They find that managers pay more attention to mistakes and omissions than they do to giving praise for work that has been well done. Secondly, they find that managers do most of the talking and give them little chance to make any constructive contribution to the discussion.

From an employee’s perspective, there are three things to be achieved in an appraisal discussion.

1. You need to make sure you receive appropriate recognition for work you have done well.

2. You need to agree on any areas of weakness in your performance and put a plan in place to fix them

3. You need to be clear on the goals, objectives and standards required of you in the next period so you understand how you will be assessed in your next appraisal.

To get the most from your performance appraisals follow these guidelines.

Do your homework

You must prepare for an appraisal with even more care than your manager does. Consider what you have done in the period being reviewed. Think over the whole period, not just the most recent months. What has gone well? Not so well? What evidence do you have of your performance? Collect factual support for any opinion you offer about your performance.

Think about the evidence your manager has of your performance. Be sure you are familiar with it. Think of data he or she may not have and, without bombarding him or her with paperwork, list or summarise salient points and have relevant documents to hand.

Identify the high points

Make a realistic assessment of your strengths and the things you have done well. Be sure you base your conclusions on facts. Plan how you can present these to your manager in a rational and professional way, supported by the evidence. When you are well prepared you will not be caught off guard if your manager focuses only on negative aspects of your performance.

Be realistic about areas for improvement

Be realistic and rational here too. Look at the evidence. Consider any extenuating factors. What can you do to make things better in the next period? The more you think it through, the more you will be able to come up with ideas during the appraisal. Think of questions you can ask about things you should do more or less of, or differently. Think about any negative feedback you may receive so you are prepared for it and less likely to react defensively.

Be clear on targets for the future

If you don’t know what you are going to be assessed against in the future it will be hard for you to turn in a top performance. Ask for clarity. If necessary ask for a follow up meeting to give you time to consider exactly what is being required and how you can respond.

A performance appraisal is a two person game. You need to be an active participant, not an observer, in a process that can have a major impact on your progress.