Straight Talk Blog

Many ways of avoiding difficult subjects

May 9th, 2011

Most of us put off having difficult conversations for as long as possible. But even when we are in conversations, we find ways of avoiding the critical and difficult issues. The problem is that when you hold a conversation that does not directly and effectively address the real problem, no amount of talking will make any difference.

The most common way of avoiding a difficult subject is not to mention it at all. We may hint at it, describe it vaguely, or pussyfoot around it, hoping that others will intuit what we’re getting at. Sometimes they do, but seldom with the clarity and urgency that the issue deserves. Most often they are left with an uneasy feeling that something was said about which they should be concerned, without being quite sure what it was or what they should do about it.

It’s always easier to treat with a problem as if it were the first time it has happened, rather than to tackle a pattern of behavior or an ingrained habit. It’s not difficult to say, ‘You’re home very late. What happened?’ When you say, ‘You’ve been home late every night this week. What’s going on?’ you open a very different conversation.

Treating what is obviously a pattern of behavior as if it were a one-off problem is essentially nagging. We all know that nagging rarely succeeds in changing anything but continuing to nag about something provides the consolation that you have spoken up, without the fear that would accompany addressing the real issue.

Some of the most difficult topics to discuss are those about attitudes. Most of us have made the mistake of starting a conversation with words such as, ‘I really don’t like your attitude’, ‘You’ve become very negative recently’ or ‘You sounded very aggressive on the phone’ and then wondered why the conversations blew up in our faces. It takes skill to handle a conversation on any of these issues. Without it, most of us are left having to put up with people and their attitudes or avoiding them as much as possible.

If there is more than one problematic issue to discuss with someone, it is almost self evident that we would choose to discuss the easiest issue first. Sometimes it is the only one we ever get to. For example, if you are having a problem with the performance of someone who works for you, and you suspect that they are harboring resentment because they hoped to get your job, more likely than not you will have continuous conversations with them about their poor performance before you find the skill or courage to tackle the relationship issue.

It’s no wonder one hears so many people say, ‘But we’ve talked about it! Why hasn’t anything changed?’ The truth is, they haven’t.

How to get accountability

May 5th, 2011

If you want to build a high performing team you must know how to hold people to account for their performance. In general however, people are more skilled at avoiding accountability than others are at holding them to account. There are three tactics that are most commonly used. For each, there is a specific behaviour that can be used to counter it.

The first tactic that people use to avoid being held to account is simply to talk so much that the main issue is clouded or lost completely. Background and history are given with description of the issues, extraneous details are added and personal opinions are inter-woven with the facts. A listener finds him or herself unable to separate relevant facts from confusing detail and gradually loses track of the key issues.

You can counteract this behaviour with the use of paraphrasing. This means listening carefully to what is being said and then reflecting key points back to the speaker in a paraphrased form. Paraphrasing often starts with a phrase such as ‘Let me check I’ve got this right: you’re saying that…’ Paraphrasing gives you a respectful way of interrupting a speaker to clarify the essence of an issue and keep the discussion on track. It also allows you to regain control of a conversation and change its direction.

A second tactic that allows people to side step accountability is the use of emotional reactions that block discussion of the real issues. In men, this emotional reaction is most likely to be verbal aggressiveness that creates arguments. In similar situations women are more likely to use tears, but the effect is the same: critical feedback is deflected and accountability is avoided.

People quickly learn when and with whom these emotional tactics work. You can counteract either of them by allowing time for the emotion to subside, (tissues and tea work with tears); indicating clearly that the conversation will return to the critical issue once the emotions are under control; and fixing a follow up time when this will happen.

A third way people sidestep accountability is when they do not suggest any actions or ideas for which they can be held responsible. This leaves others to make suggestions and ask for commitment to them; or to enforce compliance. People are naturally more committed to their own ideas than they are to those of others so even when you have the power and authority to enforce compliance, you are left with the problem of continuous monitoring and motivation of behaviour.

The only counter to this avoidance tactic is to insist that the person whom you wish to hold accountable comes up with some ideas of their own; even if they are imperfect. You can then build these ideas up into better ones, leaving the person still with a sense of ownership and hopefully commitment.

People avoid accountability when they achieve positive consequences for doing so. For example, if a person who takes on a difficult unpleasant task is ‘rewarded’ by being given the next unpleasant task, the person will soon stop volunteering. When people realise that tears and tantrums deflect critical feedback and the possibility that they will be held to account for changing their behaviour, they will continue to use the avoidance tactic.

The best strategy to encourage people to accept accountability is to make sure they receive positive acknowledgement and reward every time they do.

The downside to stretch goals

May 3rd, 2011

In most organisations it is assumed that if you want to build a high performing team you need to set stretch goals and objectives. Logically, it makes sense that setting challenging goals and objectives is the best way to inspire the most effort and the best performance. The only limitation that is commonly recognised is that when goals are set too high they cease to be motivating because people see no point in even trying to achieve them. But there are other problems with stretch goals.

One is that a heavy focus on stretch goals can promote cheating and unethical behaviour when people start to believe that the ends justify the means. There are examples of hours that are billed but never worked, repairs that are carried out unnecessarily, and sales reports and financial statements that have been falsified; all to give the impression that goals have been met.

Obsessive pursuit of challenging goals can blind people to the consequences of their actions. Leaders who conflate organisation goals with their personal ambitions, and are unwilling or unable to back down under the spotlight of public expectation and opinion, have been seen to lead their organisations into unethical behaviour and excessive risk taking. The financial melt- down of 2008 / 2009 is a prime example.

Organizations that rely heavily on goal setting may find that the cooperative behaviours that hold groups together are no longer valued and reinforced. When competition replaces cooperation, overall performance of an organisation may be reduced.

Organisations with strong values, and cultures in which ethical and co-operative behaviour is modelled by executives and given recognition by reward systems, can survive the effects of an aggressive management by objectives process. Others are likely to find that their stretch goals actually encourage unethical behaviour.

A different downside to stretch goals is that people stop experimenting and learning because of their focus only on obtaining results. Goals inhibit learning when they provide no reward to people who might spend time looking for alternative routes to achieve those goals. This applies particularly to complex tasks in changing environments when ‘the way we’ve always done it’ may not be the best way this time around, but where there is no motivation for people to stand back and look for alternative strategies.

Some organisations try to use learning or personal development goals which focus on development of competencies, but in practice managers often have trouble determining what these goals should be or when they are appropriate.

Lastly, there is always the possibility that stretch goals will not be reached. People seldom handle failure well and are liable to become demotivated and to disengage from the process, questioning both their own abilities and those of the managers who have set the goals in the first place.

Given these considerations, we would be well advised to approach goal setting with rather more caution than is customarily thought necessary.

Be careful when you set goals

April 19th, 2011

Common sense and research show that setting goals, targets, outputs or key performance areas is a necessary and effective way of focussing people’s attention and driving their performance and motivation. We put our trust in stretch objectives, challenging KPAs and BHAGS – Big Hairy Audacious Goals.

But like all prescribed remedies, there are side effects. One of the most serious is that you get what you ask for.

One of the most dramatic examples of getting what you asked for comes from the Ford motor company. When CEO Lee Iacocca announced the specific and challenging goal of producing a new car, the Ford Pinto, that would be ‘under 2000 pounds and under $2,000’ within a tight deadline, managers met the objective by signing off on safety checks that had not been properly carried out. One of these safety checks concerned the placement of the car’s fuel tank which, because of its design, was later discovered to ignite upon impact.

In this case, the specific, challenging goals of speed to market, fuel efficiency, and cost were met at the expense of other goals that were not specified, such as safety and ethical behaviour. 53 deaths, many injuries and expensive lawsuits brought the point home.

Other companies have had similar experiences when they defined goals too narrowly. When salespeople are measured only on revenue targets they are likely to bring in poor quality business with low profit margins. Call centre agents become short and abrupt with clients when they are measured only on the number of calls they process per day. Managers run down stock levels toward the end of a financial period so they can make the figures look good. A focus on production outputs and mere compliance with emission control standards encourages people to overlook the broader environmental effects of their business practices.

When people are rewarded for achieving goals, it is predictable that they focus on those goals. From their perspective, that is a perfectly intelligent behaviour. Even if they are aware of aspects of the work that are not getting attention, they inevitably pay most attention to the things they know they will be rewarded for. Ironically, the more efficient the performance management and reward system is, the more serious the consequences if goals are misdirected.

The key issue is whether you will be satisfied with an outcome, regardless of how it is generated or if you are concerned with the way it is achieved. When consideration of cultural values, business ethics, safety, and environmental impact is important, narrow, output oriented goals can be very dangerous.

K.I.S.S.

April 1st, 2011

The old acronym K.I.SS. - Keep It Simple Stupid - is as well understood and relevant today as it ever was. In spite of that, much business communication is ineffective, whether it’s written or spoken.

People tend to ramble, never getting to the point. They focus more on showing what they know, rather than on what needs to be achieved by the communication - witness large decks of PowerPoint slides. They use pretentious and complex words to impress, when simple straightforward ones would do the job much more effectively.

Some use legalistic jargon and archaic expressions, both in speech and writing. For example, the use of thereby, nevertheless, and ‘It has been brought to my attention’, to disassociate oneself from sensitive issues.

In difficult conversations, when issues are complex, people are sensitive, and the stakes are high, people generally use too many words. Some do it to soften the message: others seem to believe that more words carry more persuasive power. Both are incorrect. Too many words can blur a communication to the point that nobody quite knows what the speaker is trying to say and by creating confusion and anxiety can do more harm than good.

Poor communication can create confusion, destroy trust, communicate disrespect, and damage your personal reputation. It also reduces your ability to influence and persuade others. In some circumstances it can seriously affect the reputation of your business - witness Tony Hayward’s TV appearances as CEO of BP during the Gulf of Mexico oil disaster; and Toyota’s poor communications around recall of faulty vehicles.

In spite of all of this, communication skills, still often referred to as ‘soft skills’, seldom receive the time and respect accorded to technical and financial subjects in business education. In consequence, few corporate leaders are as skilled in communicating as they are in product development, strategic planning, marketing or finance.

Most admit to avoiding or putting off difficult conversations for as long as possible. Evidence of this is visible in performance problems that are allowed to continue for years and in the tolerance of employees whose toxic behaviour or negative attitudes destroy the energy and self esteem of anyone with whom they are in contact.

Next time you have something important to say, plan it carefully so as best to achieve the objective of the communication. Try to think of choosing your words with tweezers - one by one, each chosen for the unique contribution it makes to your objective. You might be surprised how little you need to say to communicate a whole lot more.

Performance appraisal revisited – again

March 30th, 2011

The majority of organizations today claim they have a performance appraisal system in place. The procedures and documentation are carefully designed and circulated every quarter or half year. Managers line up interviews with their staff. Sometimes people are asked to complete self assessments before their appraisal interviews.

Afterwards, the data is collected and analysed to identify training needs, and to provide a basis for planning how to deal with people who have talent; and with those who have not.

On the surface everything seems fine. But when you dig a little deeper, you find that managers, employees and the human resources people have little good to say about performance appraisal.

Employees, for whose benefit it is ostensibly designed, say it’s unfair. They feel managers make up their minds about the outcome of appraisals before the interviews even take place, and give employees little opportunity to raise problems or discuss issues. They notice that managers focus more on recent events and what has gone wrong, than they do on positive feedback for what has gone well.

Employees also find it unfair that they can be given positive performance appraisal feedback but poor rewards in the form of salary increments and bonuses. They also notice when people who have performed badly are rewarded more or less the same as those who have been told they have done well.

Managers complain that the documentation is too complex and the whole process too time consuming. In order to balance their ongoing workload with tight deadlines for completion of appraisals, they line up interviews back to back with the aim of completing the whole business as painlessly as possible. They avoid discussion of difficult topics, such as poor performance or bad attitudes: and they skirt around critical feedback when they face employees who are argumentative or defensive.

Managers generally say that they dread performance appraisal time. Their employees usually agree with them.

Human resource people aren’t happy with the process either. They find themselves held to account for the quality of the data it produces, but have little control over the quality of the inputs provided by managers and employees. As a result, they are left with poor quality data on which to base personnel decisions such as promotions and transfers.

None of these problems is insurmountable and most can be resolved by careful design of a performance appraisal process and then by training managers in how to apply it. Used effectively it can transform the level at which people perform as well as their future development. Giving up on it is not an option.

Presentation skills: ending

March 1st, 2011

In a presentation you only have one chance to make a first impression so it is important that you get off to a good start. The ending to a presentation is equally important, because of the lasting impression that you leave.

The ending to a presentation has three elements.

The summary

If you planned the presentation well, you would have summarized each of the topics or key points as you went along. When you come to the end, you need only refer briefly to each of these points and drawl them together into a conclusion. Do not be tempted to use the ending to add in information you have forgotten up to then. You will only succeed in irritating and confusing your audience.

Connect to the beginning

At the start of the presentation you may have attracted the attention of your audience with an anecdote, some interesting facts or use of verbal imagery. When the ending reconnects with what you have said at the beginning it brings closure and a touch of elegance to the presentation.

Prompt to action.

Every presentation has a purpose. You may want your audience to accept your message, take action, change their minds or buy your product. More than anything, the ending to a presentation should make clear to the audience exactly what you expect them to do. You might say, ‘I hope I have left you with enough information for you to approve the project’ or ‘You will now understand that unless we…’ or ‘I hope you can now I see that…’

No matter how well, or how badly, you feel things have gone, be sure to end off on an upbeat and positive note so the last impression you leave with the audience is a good one.

Presentation skills: connecting with your audience

February 25th, 2011

If you’ve done any presenting at all you can probably think of moments when you could feel that your audience was completely absorbed by what you were saying. Most of us unfortunately have also had the experience of talking to an audience when we just couldn’t seem to make any connection.

When you have a good connection with your audience you are in rapport. You feel good about the presentation, the audience enjoys it and you are more than likely to achieve your objective. If you are not in rapport with your audience, you might as well be talking to yourself! The ability to develop rapport with an audience is what separates the memorable presenter from the merely competent. There are a number of ways to do it:

Lay the foundation for developing rapport by planning every presentation so you give your audience the information it needs and is interested in. When an audience feels you are aware of its concerns and are addressing its needs, you are well on your way to getting into rapport.

Confirm that you understand and can relate to the needs and concerns of the audience in the way you talk. Choose whether it is best to be conversational or formal; use the jargon that the audience uses; and hold their interest by putting variety into your voice and presentation style.

The layout of a venue can determine how easily you connect with an audience. You can choose to sit or stand, use a podium, and stay behind a computer or projector. At each presentation, check that the layout assists you in connecting with the audience.

At a more superficial level, the way in which you dress can also influence rapport. It would be wise to wear your newest, best fitting business suit for a presentation to a group of investment bankers. By contrast, wearing work boots and jeans when you are talking to an informal group of blue collar workers can be just right.

The more you connect with an audience, the more easily you will get your message across. Never underestimate the importance of developing rapport.

Click here for more information on presentation skills.

Presentation Skills: using humour

February 23rd, 2011

If you are a stand-up comic or a natural story teller, you may well decide to use humour as a way of making your presentations or public speaking opportunities memorable. For the rest of us, it is a high risk strategy.

There are three main reasons why attempts at humour in presentations and speeches can fall flat.

The audience does not understand

Humour often depends on colloquial use of words and expressions, or familiarity with cultural icons and references. Throwaway lines and punch lines may depend on speed and timing for their effectiveness. In a culturally diverse group of people where many are not native speakers in the language you are using, the subtlety or implied meaning of your words may be missed.

In preparing the presentation, consider the relevance of the content for the whole audience, and plan where you will pause for effect. During the presentation, have the punch line on a flip chart or PowerPoint slide for reinforcement, and enunciate your words very carefully.

The audience does not appreciate

Humour is often at the expense of other people, grouped by race, religion, politics, sexual orientation, gender, age, profession…or simply the part of town where they live. A joke in poor taste can alienate people in seconds.

Play safe. Don’t make comments at the expense of others. You never know who might be in your audience.

You fluff your lines

It is tempting to use humour as an ice breaker at the start of a presentation. But effective humour requires confidence, clarity and perfect timing. At the start of a presentation you and your audience have not yet settled down. You may not have their full attention and they have not tuned in to your way of speaking. You may be nervous and most likely to speak too quickly or, dear forbid, forget your lines completely.

Only use humour when you are feeling confident and sure that you have rapport with your audience.

Click here for more information on presentation skills.

Presentation skills: watch your mannerisms

February 22nd, 2011

Many a good presentation has been ruined by a mannerism. A mannerism is a repetitive and distracting gesture, movement or use of words, and you’ve probably seen presenters use most of them.

Ending every other sentence with the word ‘okay’ or ‘you know’
Fiddling with a ring, a necklace or a piece of clothing
Clasping the hands just above waist level
Jangling coins or keys in a pocket
Twirling a piece of hair or scratching your nose
Swaying from side to side

Mannerisms are nervous gestures that become distracting and irritating when you keep repeating them. They might not be noticed at first but once they are, you’re in trouble. As the twirling and fiddling continue they soon draw the attention of the audience completely away from the content of what you’re saying.

Chances are you’re unaware of your mannerisms so start out by becoming aware of how you look and sound. Ask a friend for honest feedback, and even better, watch yourself on video to see yourself as others see you. Once you know what you do that’s irritating, you can stop doing it. It’s often that easy.

If you need reinforcement or you’re scared you’ll relapse in an important presentation, ask a friend to sit in the back of the audience and give you a prearranged signal if your mannerism starts up again.

Fixing mannerisms is an easy aspect of presentation skills to get right, and yet many people allow them to destroy what would otherwise be good presentations. Don’t let them destroy yours.

Click here for more information on presentation skills.