My heart sinks when I hear someone say, ‘John isn’t performing well these days. I must send him an e-mail’. Doesn’t everyone know by now that you can’t do sensitive and difficult conversations by e-mail!
In any conversation that has a strong emotional tone you must be face to face. These are the kind of conversations [...]

I’ve just written a piece for a journal on parenting called ‘Today’s Child’. It was written to the women who play Supermom: the ones who are there for everyone, who remember everything, who take care of the details and sort out the problems long after everyone else has collapsed in a heap.
Then I thought that [...]

The best time to hold a difficult conversation is now! The only reason to delay is so you have time to defuse your emotions and make a plan for what you will say. Then it’s time to talk.
When we don’t speak up, problems don’t go away. People continue to perform poorly and behave badly. Relationships [...]

I have been working with a client in Lexington, Kentucky this week. It is one of the largest NGOs in the USA, serving the needs of impoverished communities in the southern Appalachian Mountains. Some of the people on my workshops were the managers of particular projects; others were from building maintenance, finance, HR and donor [...]

When it comes to communicating about feelings, it is noticeable how most people operate in one or other of two modes.
Most of the time, they do not share their feelings. You never quite know what they are really thinking, or where you stand with them. You get hints in their non-verbal behaviour or in humorous [...]

Everyone talks about the importance of relationships; in teams, with customers, with your boss, with your staff; in families, with spouses and partners. But mostly what I hear are people holding the kind of conversations that do little to build relationships and are often virtually guaranteed to damage them!
I hear emotional outbursts, accusations and blame. [...]

In the course of one morning this week I received three pieces of feedback from clients who have been through Straight Talk training.
Spot the pattern in their comments!
“I was always taught that showing emotion is a sign of weakness. so I have bottled up my emotions as long as I could, even with friends and [...]

It’s fascinating how much one can learn about people and the culture of their organisations by listening to the conversations they hold.
There’s the manager who has been around for a while, knows his job and can see a mistake at ten paces. His conversations are short, sharp and one way. Don’t look to him for [...]

Difficult conversations happen to everyone. The more emotion that is involved, the more likely it is that the conversation ends in a blame game, wild accusations, tears and anger. Everyone retreats into silence, only to have the whole thing erupt at some later timewhen emotion gets the better of us again. There is a better [...]

We face difficult conversations every day. They can be with our children, our parents, family members and spouses; with colleagues, employees and with the boss; with friends and neighbors; with tenants, landlords, business partners, and in the sports team. Sometimes these conversations are about the “big” issues of race, religion, gender and politics. More often [...]