The majority of people with whom I consult are concerned about the quality of their relationships, either in their personal lives or at work, or both. While they may realise that the conversations they hold reflect the tone of their relationships, they are often unaware of the problems they create for themselves in the way they approach conversations.
The reality is that most of the time we go into conversations to get the other person to:
do it our way
see it our way
admit that they are wrong, and by implication, that we are right.
In conversations about important issues on which we feel strongly, we are skilful in our use of a range of techniques such as persuading, pulling rank, bullying, intimidating, threatening and laying guilt trips, to achieve our goals. We give little if any thought to what the other person wants, needs or feels. It’s all about ‘Me’ and ‘Win’ and ‘Control’!
No wonder that in many of our relationships there is little trust, information is not shared, and argument substitutes for conversation.
A constructive conversation, like a good relationship, is a two person game. The rule of the game is Win Win. If you want to improve the quality of your relationships and your conversations, start out by giving as much thought to the wants, needs and feelings of the other person, as you do to your own. See what a difference it makes.