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In every relationship there are issues that are difficult to talk about; his mother, her ex-husband, money, how to raise children. At work it is difficult to talk about poor performance or to confront issues of disrespect or insubordination. Sometimes we don’t talk about these things at all because they are too sensitive, we’re too emotional or the stakes are too high. At other times, we do have conversations, but the problems remain.
The starting point is to identify exactly what you need to talk about. It’s all very well planning and holding a conversation word perfectly, but nothing is achieved if it’s the wrong conversation. How often have you heard people at work say,”I’ve told her about it several times but she still makes the sam
I was listening to a client this morning as she described how she planned to manage her new team. She has a number of relatively new managers, people with great technical skill but, typically, little management expertise. As best as I can remember, she put it like this.
“They avoid conversations. They let small things slide and then they grow into bigger things. When they realize they have to take some action, they come in heavy handed with accusations and warnings of discipline. Next thing everyone’s in my office asking me to sort out the mess! I’m not going to do it any more.
I’ve talked to them. I’ve told them that I have given them the
There’s scarcely a family that, at one time or another, has not had to deal with a squabble between family members. As the holiday season approaches and more family gatherings take place, there is a danger that these squabbles can become full scale wars.
The classical problems with in-laws are probably the most well known, and certainly the most talked about: mothers-in-law who won’t accept new sons or daughters–in-law; the new spouse who clearly won’t ever fit in with the rest of the family; the person who sides with their new partner and becomes distanced from the rest of the family.
How many of us are in relationships where something is not being said?
It may be at work where someone’s lack of energy or commitment is driving you crazy but you have not said anything. Or it could be a colleague who complains continually about his or her personal life and you put up with their behaviour. Maybe you have family members – in laws, step children, siblings - who treat you with disrespect and you don’t know how to deal with them. Are there issues you are unhappy about in your relationship with your spouse or partner that you choose not to talk about?
Sometimes the issues we avoid talking about are relatively minor. Sometimes they are huge! I
That’s the question we would all like an honest answer to!
But how many of us feel that we get it; and how many of us as supervisors and managers can say that we truly and without exception, give our people honest answers?
Managers dread the annual performance appraisal interview. It’s time consuming. It can involve conflict. The
As managers, many of us do indeed talk straight. We identify problems, decide on solutions, allocate responsibilities, communicate it all to our people with standards and deadlines … but the job doesn’t get done! Managing would be easy if only people would do what they have been told to do. And they have been told. Straight!
We all know what it’s like to be on the receiving end of this style of management with managers who storm into our offices to tell us what’s
It’s fascinating how much one can learn about people and the culture of their organisations by listening to the conversations they hold.
There’s the manager who has been around for a while, knows his job and can see a mistake at ten paces. His conversations are short, sharp and one way. Don’t look to him for encouragement or positive feedback. He will tell you what has gone wrong, and exactly what he wants you to do to fix it. All he requires in return is your nod of understanding and commitment. He and his organisation pride
Difficult conversations happen to everyone.The more emotion that is involved, the more likely it is that the conversation ends in a blame game, wild accusations, tears and anger. Everyone retreats into silence, only to have the whole thing erupt at some later time
