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As adults, most of us have difficulty expressing how we feel, and in acknowledging the feelings of others. When we can, we avoid conversations that we fear will become emotional arguments. So we stay silent, holding our tongues and biting our lips, hoping that by some miracle, the problems will resolve themselves.
But when you bottle up feelings of frustration or hurt, you become a pressure cooker. You keep the lid on for as long as you can, trying to ignore the tension building in your body, until one day it explodes. Harsh words are followed by tears, apologies and making up. Tension defuses, and then the whole process starts over again.
Children often display a great deal of emotional intelligence in the way they express themselves, at least until the socialisation process in their families and at school takes over. Then they find out that it is considered more polite not to speak up and say how they feel. It’s more acceptable to play nice.
But the socialisation does all of us a disservice, when politeness replaces honesty. Far better that you teach your children how to speak up wisely; to explain how they feel without accusation; and to stop and consider how others feel.
One of the simplest ways to improve the quality of the conversations you have with your children is to slow things down and allow time for feelings to be explored. Travelling together, going for a walk, sharing in the preparation of a meal, or just sitting quietly – without electronic interference – are great places to start.
- Supermum
- Giving praise
- Speak up - but plan first
- Discipline or obedience
- Consequences
- Reaching agreement
- Facts and opinions
- Dealing with emotions
- Tips for dealing with emotions
- How to stand up to a bully
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