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Tips for dealing with emotions
Managing your emotions requires skill. It's a complex skill, but then so is golf; and it can take a lifetime to become competent at either.
Without the skills of emotional intelligence, you are left with only two ways of dealing with your feelings, neither of which is very effective.
You can try to control your emotions completely, although this is seldom successful because your body language gives you away. You will have noticed how good children are at picking up the signals that tell them you are frustrated, angry or impatient.
The alternative to controlling your emotions is to have them control you. This happens when you speak out in the heat of the moment and say things that you later regret.
The best alternative is to learn to manage your emotions intelligently and the best time to do it is as a child. The tips below however, apply as much to adults as to children.
Think before you speak. Take a few moments to think about what you are going to say and the effect it might have on other people. Then choose your words carefully: once they’re spoken, you can't take them back.
Don't blame other people for how you're feeling. When you say: You made me upset, it’s an accusation. Adults and children react the same way when they feel accused: they defend themselves. This is how arguments start. Rather own your feelings and say: I'm feeling upset.
Learn to listen. You aren't always right; you don't know exactly what's going on; and you can’t know why people do what they do. There are two sides to every story.
It’s irritating when someone puts your call on hold to take one from someone else. It’s frustrating when you have to compete with TV, FB and e-mail for the attention of your friends and family. It’s offensive when friends at the dinner table send and receive calls and text messages: and it’s ridiculous when holding a meeting means having as many iPads around the table as people.
Many companies have toxic environments that are created by a small number of people, but which cause distress for many. Use the indicators below to assess your own workplace.
Bullying in schools seems to have reached epidemic proportions. In the business world where we often refer to it as harassment or toxic behaviour, it is just as common.
When you have healthy personal boundaries you don’t tolerate abuse or
disrespect: you’re not afraid to say no, and you don’t take on problems
that belong to other people. You know who you are and you treat yourself
and others with respect.
While the technology with which we communicate is allowing us to do so both more quickly and more widely, our communication is becoming increasingly ineffective.
