No matter where you go, the most common style of communication is still the one where people tell each other what to do. Managers give instructions to employees. Friends tell other friends how they should run their lives. Colleagues tell others what they are doing wrong and how to fix it.

Is it effective? Of course it is - sometimes. If there is a crisis, if the other person has absolutely no ideas for themselves and if you are sure that you know what is best for everyone, then telling others what to do will certainly get the job done or the problem fixed. It can be a quick and efficient way to get things moving.

But what about the other times?  How effective is it when you want to help others develop, use their initiative, and think through a problem for themselves? How well does it work when you need full commitment, in order for a solution to work? Where does it leave you when you don’t have all the answers and need new ideas?

When you need everyone around you to contribute brain power to a problem you need to have behaviours other than telling at your fingertips. Try asking more open questions. Drop the pretence of including others with questions such as, ‘Maybe we should...’ and ‘Why don’t we...’ When people offer you their ideas and opinions, slow down, listen carefully and acknowledge their input.

You might be surprised by the difference it makes.

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