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When you have a really good working relationship with someone, you can move mountains. You trust and support one another, you can anticipate problems; communication is often unspoken. When a relationship is poor, we try to ignore it, focus on the job, and hope that the problem will resolve itself. This seldom works; communication becomes more strained; getting results becomes more difficult. Often the only thing to do is take time out and fix the relationship. Once that’s done, you can get on with moving mountains.
Conversations about how we relate to each other tend to be some of the most difficult, but in the long term, the most rewarding. They are difficult for a number of reasons. First, it is likely that each person sees the situation in very different ways. A colleague whose tone of voice you find condescending may be completely unaware of how they sound. A manager who reprimands you in front of colleagues thinks he is merely giving you corrective feedback. An employee whose attitude you find negative and disruptive believes they have a realistic view of events. The risk in holding one of these conversations is high. You may discover that your own behaviour is contributing to the problem. You may damage the relationship further and turn a difficult situation into one that becomes intolerable. As it becomes more difficult to work together, results suffer further. To make things worse, since the issues are personal, emotions run high. The only certainty is that the longer the conversation is delayed, the worse the problem becomes! Step up to the conversation, but plan it carefully. Describe the actions or behaviours that have given rise to your concerns. Be clear and specific. Use recent examples that both of you can relate to. Keep it short. Then explain how you feel about the situation. Be sure to label your feelings clearly; they provide the motive power to the conversation. Then, because there are two sides to every story, invite the other person into the conversation and listen to what they say with the same respect you want them to show to you. Once you get into dialogue, you can indeed move mountains. If you would like to receive Straight Talk tips on a monthly basis, email us!
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