There are many varieties of the truth. In a difficult conversation when opinions vary and emotions run high, it is well to remember that you do not hold the only version of the truth. There are many sides to every story: your perception is just one of them. Trying to make someone else see the world from your perspective is not a good start to open, trusting dialogue.
How do I talk to a confrontational and intimidating colleague? “One of the executives in my organisation constantly finds fault with my work and will criticize me, even in front of others. I don’t understand where this is coming from and I find it hard not to be defensive. I have decided to talk to him about our relationship but I know it will be a difficult conversation because he is touchy and likely to blow up at the least provocation.” You must decide what you are going to confront with this person. Although there is a pattern to his behaviour, handling the conversation at this level is high risk. Given the person’s characteristics, you might be better advised to wait for one instance and tackle that one. A question would get you started, “Can I have a minute with you to talk about something that’s concerning me?” You must be very clear and specific about the behaviours that are upsetting you. While you interpret them as confrontational and intimidating, what exactly is the person saying that you react to? If you choose one instance to precipitate the conversation, speak to him soon afterwards, when you are both more likely to have a clear memory of what was said. Choose only one or maybe two behaviours. More than that will sound like an accusation and risk your getting an explosive reaction. When you have described the behaviours that you find upsetting, describe how you feel to be the object of them. Choose your words carefully and use them tentatively. “Maybe you don’t intend this but sometimes I feel like you think I’m incompetent.” Then invite the person to talk to you. You could use a very open question such as, ”How do you see the situation?” Or you could be even less confrontational and say, “Is there something I do that is creating the situation between us?” If you would like to receive Straight Talk tips on a monthly basis, email us!
|
