It never ceases to amaze me that so few people have the ability to give effective feedb ack.  We might think it is effective but how often does it sound like this?

'That wasn’t a very good presentation.'

'You’re making far too many personal phone calls.'

'I’m not happy with your management style.'

'No-one shows any respect!'

When we use statements like this they are far more likely to cause emotional and defensive outbursts than they are to result in any behaviour change. The problem is that each one expresses an opinion. None of them describes specific actions or behaviours. 

The most important rule for giving effective feedback is to identify clearly the specific actions, facts or behaviour that you are concerned about, and then describe them clearly. Often you have to do some homework, collect documents, or observe behaviour over a period of time before you are ready t o open a feedback conversation. At the very least you should think very carefully about the words that you will use.

Once you have presented the facts, you can then offer your view of the situation. If your facts are sound, you are less likely to encounter disagreement and have the conversation degenerate into a street fight.