Most of us set great store by having all the facts, knowing what is correct and being clear about exactly what is wrong. In most situations, this clarity and certainty serves us well. However, in the difficult and sensitive conversations that occur when there are disagreements over issues about which we feel strongly and which affect our lives and relationships, certainty usually guarantees that we end up arguing.

When we argue we stop listening, we become emotional, and because we feel the other person is being unreasonable, we become frustrated and angry. Arguments like these lead nowhere and eventually damage our relationships.

The problem is that what we say makes sense – to us. We forget that what the other person says also makes sense – to them. Each of us lives in a different world of perceptions, experiences, expectations, beliefs, fears, interpretations. But to each of us, our own world makes sense, and we argue from that perspective.

The only way to get anywhere in a disagreement is to listen and understand what the other person is saying, until you can see how it makes sense to them. In Steven Covey's words, you must first understand, before you can seek to be understood. Understanding someone does not mean that you will necessarily agree on their viewpoint, but it is an essential step in the process by which you can try to reach agreement.

As you prepare for a difficult conversation remind yourself that you don't know all sides of the story and that your view is not the only possible one. There are others. Don't open a conversation with an accusation and then expect the other person to talk to you and tell you how they see the situation. Step away from being right and practice being curious.

News Flash!

There is still time to book for the next Straight Talk workshop on Wednesday 22 August at The Croft Conference Centre in Midrand. Book now by clicking here