At one time or another we all face conversations that are problematic, sensitive and difficult. Some have the potential to be disastrous for relationships or career limiting at work. They all have one thing in common. You want to avoid them. Conversations like this can be with toxic colleagues, controlling parents, disagreeable in-laws and difficult employees.

Ironically, the first mistake we usually make is not to say anything at all. We hold our tongues and bite our lips, hoping the problem will resolve itself or just go away. That seldom happens. But what is guaranteed to happen is that our stress levels soar until the pressure cooker of feelings explodes in harsh words and anger. 

When you face a scary conversation, the first principle is to speak up sooner, even when it is the last thing you want to do. Speak up before your emotions get to boiling point and render you incompetent to hold even the simplest conversation. Speak up before the behaviour that is driving you crazy becomes entrenched into a pattern or a habit that will be even more difficult to change.

The second principle is to make the conversation as safe as possible. Start by thinking through what you are going to say before you speak. Any plan is better than no plan at all. Stick to the facts and remember that feeling strongly about something does not make it a fact, nor does your believing that you are right make it so either!

These conversations are never easy, but if you speak up before they supersize, and think before you speak, you may be surprised how many difficult issues you can resolve without doing any damage at all. 

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