We try to avoid these conversations. We know they can involve heated argument, accusation, and often end up in emotional outbursts of tears or anger. We risk making fools of ourselves, damaging relationships irreparably, or making it impossible to work with people ever again. As often than not we approach these conversations in ways that make a bad situation even worse. There are three very common mistakes.

We talk too much

Using lots of words carries the risk that you will say something accusing or inflammatory,    making it more likely that you will invite a defensive reaction. Decide exactly what you need to say, then choose the most simple way of saying it. The fewer words you use to open a conversation and explain the problem as you see it, the safer you will be. This is contrary to the custom of talking around difficult topics, trying to be polite, hoping the other person will somehow pick up the meaning.

We lay blame

It is tempting to see every problem as the other person's fault. If THEY would perform to the agreed standards; if THEY would just stick to the rules; if THEY would do what they promised...there wouldn't be a problem. But are you sure you made your instructions clear? Did you take time to obtain commitment from everyone? Did you somehow get in the way of the problem being solved? So long as you blame and accuse, you will not get to hear the other side of the story.

We confuse feelings with facts

Facts are facts. They don't change because we disagree on our interpretation of them. The more difficult the conversation, the more important it is to get the facts on the table, right at the start. Without making the facts clear up front, a difficult conversation quickly degenerates into a win lose battle between different opinions.