Straight Talk Tips are produced monthly, highlighting aspects of the Straight Talk approach to effective communication. They serve as reminders of the process for those who have been through the Straight Talk training. They are also an introduction to the concepts on which Straight Talk is based.
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When you have a really good working relationship with someone, you can move mountains. You trust and support one another, you can anticipate problems; communication is often unspoken. When a relationship is poor, we try to ignore it, focus on the job, and hope that the problem will resolve itself. This seldom works; communication becomes more strained; getting results becomes more difficult. Often the only thing to do is take time out and fix the relationship. Once that’s done, you can get on with moving mountains. |
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It’s spring: time to clear out gardens and garages: time to sort through debris and clutter: time to set things right as the seasons move on. Perhaps a time to apply the same logic to our lives and relationships: definitely a time for some straight talk! |
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We need to initiate conversations in different ways to solve performance problems at different levels. |
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How do others see you? Being approachable is an important component of emotional intelligence and a key leadership competency. How approachable are you? Think how your colleagues and the people who report to you would respond to the items below. |
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Facts provide a safe opening to any difficult conversation. The more difficult the conversation, and the more strongly you feel about the situation, the more important it is that you take time to think through the facts that have given rise to your feelings BEFORE you speak. Starting a conversation with an emotionally charged, insulting accusation, when you are high on adrenalin, is not the best way to create a safe environment for open dialogue. |
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Silent isn’t safe! How often do you bite your lip rather than give an honest opinion? Have you ever crossed the street to avoid meeting a person you didn’t want to confront? We choose to stay silent because speaking up carries the risk that we might damage a relationship. We overlook the certain risk that in the long term, silence does far more damage to the trust on which good communication, and relationships, are based. |
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Clear out the clutter. Three months into the year and you’re feeling stressed out? Ask yourself how many of your current problems – the ones that haunt you, the ones you feel most guilty about, the ones that make your blood boil - were last year’s problems too. How many are issues that you have been scared to confront in case you made things worse? You’ll feel better when you clear out the clutter of long term, unresolved conflicts. It’s likely the other person will too. |
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How often have you smiled thinly at an unsavoury joke, withheld a critical opinion, or kept silent instead of pointing out a colleague’s mistake? Many of us use politeness to smooth over tricky interactions with others. We forget that it destroys openness and trust: the foundations of good relationships. |
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There are many varieties of the truth. In a difficult conversation when opinions vary and emotions run high, it is well to remember that you do not hold the only version of the truth. There are many sides to every story: your perception is just one of them. Trying to make someone else see the world from your perspective is not a good start to open, trusting dialogue. |
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When it’s safe to talk you can talk about almost anything. Your office door is open. But how many people come to you with new ideas or critical feedback? Does anyone use you as a sounding board? People only feel safe to speak up when they feel you are truly listening to them, when you acknowledge what they say, and when they believe that you have their best interests at heart. When they don’t feel safe, you seldom get to know. |
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