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Resolve problems constructively - June 2007 |
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We all see the world differently. We hold widely different beliefs and values, we carry different expectations and we feel strongly about our sense of right and wrong. When we confront each other on these issues it is not surprising that things can become emotional and many of us avoid difficult conversations for just this reason. We're scared that it will all get out of hand; we'll say something damaging that we can't retract; or we'll lose control and look foolish.
The trouble with difficult conversations is not that they can become emotional. The trouble is that they are all about emotion, and without expression of it, the meaning of the conversation is lost. Facts rarely speak for themselves. If they are to have real impact, you need to give them weight based on your view or opinion of the situation.
In a difficult conversation, first anchor the discussion in reality by putting the facts forward, as you see them. While you and the other person may subsequently disagree on interpretation of these facts, that disagreement does not alter them. Once the facts are on the table, you need to add meaning. Give your opinion or interpretation, explaining how you see or feel about the situation. Do this without blame, and with the recognition that your view of the situation is only one of many possibilities.
Identifying how you feel about a situation, choosing the words you will use to express your feelings, and deciding which facts you will present to support your view, are essential aspects of the planning for a difficult conversation. Using this approach to deal with your most challenging conversations gives you the freedom to take action to resolve problems. When problems are resolved constructively, relationships become stronger: your integrity and self respect increase.
News Flash!The next Straight Talk workshop will be held on Monday 25 June at the Edgecombe House Conference Centre in Midrand. If you would like to join us, mail straighttalk@gateways.co.za |
