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There's someone driving you crazy. It could be a colleague, a friend, family member, neighbour or employee. It could also be your boss. There are many ways that people drive us crazy and most of us use similar behaviour patterns in coping with them.
First we try to ignore the irritation. Next we withdraw, shut down and try harder not to notice or mind. Then we start to fume, quietly at first, but with occasional small outbursts of sarcasm or snippy comment. Then, just before we explode, we decide we had better speak up. The inevitable happens of course! We wade into the conversation, blaming, accusing, finger pointing, voice raised, exaggerating for effect. It's inevitable that the other person reacts to the attack with a counter attack.
That's not a conversation! That's a street fight, and like any brawl, there's a winner, a loser, and both feel sore afterwards. If you would rather avoid street fights in future, try these tips.
- Speak up sooner. The longer you wait, the more emotional you become and the harder it is to control your emotions.
- Don't go in on the attack. It merely provokes defense. Attack includes raising your voice and pointing your finger.
- Start with facts that show where your strong feelings come from.
- Explain how you see and feel about the situation. Start with," I… " not "You made me…"
- Listen to the other person's view. It is just as legitimate to them as yours is to you.
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